Little Guy With A Bit Mouth - Part 2

I walk back in to see that Dr Pepper brick wall lady is now blocking a new pair of people. The 30 something woman politely asks the angry wall if she can get by. The wall informs the nice lady that she's not moving until they fix the Dr Pepper.

As the confused 30 something woman is deciding whether to execute a beverage-less exit, I step in.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I ask, my voice more puzzled than angry "Do you own this store? Do you own this soda fountain? Did your parents fail to teach you not to bully others when you don't get your way?"

"I see you have a free refill cup there in your hand. Can I then assume that you are trying to destroy customer satisfaction for this establishment because you are angry that they can't provide your free drink fast enough? I bet if you asked any of the people you are blocking they would tell you they have no problem with Racetrac but that they think you are an obnoxious ass who doesn't fit well in society. Finally, darling, I would like to offer this bit of free advice. Fat people like you and me, we shouldn't be drinking that sugared stuff. You really should try the diet kind. Less chance of diabetes, less weight gain and most importantly, there won't be so much of you in the way when others are trying to move around the store. Think about it -- maybe Dr Pepper running out was divine intervention!"

Fire flashes in her eyes. She takes a step in my direction (fortunately opening up a hole giving soda access to two formerly blocked customers).

"You better step back, you son of a bitch, or I will take you down hard" she spits out.

I place both hands in my back pockets and reply.

"Really? We're going to do this 5th grade style? You're the playground bully and you're going to take me down hard? Well (pause for effect) that works for me. Tell you what, take your best shot and I promise I'll keep my hands behind me. I'm betting you move slow enough that this is going to be a non event".

As she reaches in her purse I hear my wife reminding me that I'm probably going to get shot some day and as I'm pondering how I should react if she comes out with a can of pepper spray she produces a cell phone.

"If you don't leave this store right now I'm going to dial 911" she threatens with a menacing grin.

"Do it. Please do it. I'm begging you! I can just hear the radio call now!"

"One Adam 12, One Adam 12, see the woman. Racetrac convenience store corner of Greenville and Bethany. Customer accused of trying to move a pile of crap out of the soda isle. Proceed code 20."

She looks shocked. "You don't believe me? You DON'T BELIEVE ME?"

(now as many of you know, my stories are typically not word-for-word accurate. I always try to capture the gist but also exercise a bit of creative license for entertainment value. I tell you this because I want you to understand that this next part, as unbelievable as it will seem, is absolutely true)

She actually dials the number. I see her fingers press a single digit followed by two presses of another digit and she puts the phone to her ear. I have to admit that I don't know if the phone was on or if she pressed the send button, but the thing she said made me think...well, judge for yourself...

"Hello, Police?" She stares straight into my eyes. "I'm at the Racetrac on Bethany and there is a man here being rude to me"

No kidding. She actually dialed, she actually said "Hello Police" and she actually reported that a man "was being rude" to her.

Sometimes truth is bigger than fiction. You just can't make this stuff up. I was so impressed by the "Hello Police, I'm at the Racetrac and there is a man being rude to me" that I just HAD to write this story.

Well, reader, we peaked. The confrontation pretty much fizzled from there. I suggested a police force that would give me a ticket for "being rude" might put her in the penitentiary for being stupid. I also offered that dialing 911 when there wasn't a true emergency might actually get one of us arrested and that even though I was a very busy guy, it would be worth the wait to see which one of us the police would be interested in.

About that time a store employee (who was hanging out to monitor the confrontation, much like the 5th grade kids gather to watch the bully beat up the nerd) suggested that even without a 911 call the police might be interested in the video from the isle blocking thing and suddenly wall lady remembered an appointment she was late for.

I followed her to her car, begging her to stay and watch me leave in hand-cuffs but alas, she got in her dilapidated PT Cruiser and left (to my best recollection - without a Dr Pepper refill)

Life. A collection of strange and wonderful stories. Sum up all the bad parts and little gems like this make it totally worth it. I'm just saying.