Stupid is Relative

I walked into the health club, informed them that I had cancelled the credit card they had been charging in the past and presented a debit card to replace it. The man behind the counter thanked me for coming in and as he brought my information up on the computer another customer came through the door. One of the trainers was standing nearby so he asked the counselor to finish my paperwork so he could help the next customer.

As the trainer started in on my payment adjustments he glanced at the computer and said "I see you've been with us for nearly a year. Have the workouts been helping you?"

"Oh no, I don't come in here" I boldly stated "I just give you money every month"

He stopped what he was doing and gave me a funny look.

"It's true. Since we joined a year ago I bet I haven't crossed that threshold four times. We just give you money in the hopes that having a membership will magically melt our excess pounds away but we don't actually come here" I explained. "We joined last year at this time because we were going to train for the MS-150 but we never got around to it. Then when I cancelled the credit card and we realized we needed to transfer the payment I suggested we should quit. My wife insisted that it was time to start training for the 2010 MS-150 and that we needed the membership"

He finished the paperwork so they could keep taking my money every month, thanked me for my donations, and I left feeling a bit stupid.

I climbed in my truck and started toward town to take care of some errands. As I drove along I was listening to news on the radio. Enough time had lapsed since the "Cash for Clunkers" program ended to allow an analysis of the program effect. They reported that people stopped buying Chrysler cars in anticipation of the program and then when the program requirements missed most of the models Chrysler had in inventory their sales continued to plummet until the company finally bankrupted out.

General Motors suffered a similar fate as a result of the program but rather than going into bankruptcy they simply took 39 billion dollars from the US government to keep them afloat. The news caster interviewing the researcher said "Well quite a few cars were purchased so a great deal of money had to go somewhere. If Chrysler and GM were devastated by the program did Ford make out like a bandit?"

"No, the program hurt Ford too. Nearly all the money went to two countries. Japan got the most. Nearly all of and the rest went to South Korea. Actually, Italy did OK too because they bought up Chrysler for pennies on the dollar and now they can sell Fiats in the Chrysler showrooms. The other major impact of the program is that we destroyed half a million cars that would normally be used by the lower income and poor people in the United States."

I thought about it all for a minute and got some perspective. Perhaps stupid is relative. I drive a Chevrolet that has been paid off for nearly a decade. My wife drives a car that hasn't required a payment for five years longer than that. We don't have any debt beyond the mortgage payment and that's only $807 a month. If we want or need something we save up and pay cash for it. Both our cars are older than most everything that passes us as we drive down the road but when the government raises taxes to pay for all this current deficit spending and financial folly nothing I own will get repossessed.

Maybe I can afford stupidity of a $9 health club payment -- even if I never set foot in the place.

I Wasn't Going to Write

It wasn't going to be that kind of trip. It was supposed to be more of a fact finding mission, not something that produced a bunch of blog material. Maybe more personal than that.

As it turns out there was one story that really needs to be written.

The year was 1963. I know this because they preempted cartoons for the Kennedy funeral and I was quite annoyed by it. People die all the time. Cartoons are too important to interrupt for a funeral...but I digress.

So the year was 1963. The location was Columbia Connecticut. The house was on a lake but I didn't remember that. I now believe it was on a lake because we drove by it and there was this lake. Odds are pretty good that the lake didn't form within the last 45 years so I now understand that to be the case.

All I really remember is a bunch of people, much bigger than I was, holding me down and sticking sharp objects into my wound. I remember struggling to make them stop. I remember failing. Everything else is stories. Well, not the scar, the scar is a constant reminder but the rest is stories told by someone else.

It started as many trips to the emergency room do, with two little boys playing by a lake. I always thought the other kid threw it and hit me but last week I learned there was a witness and things didn't unfold as I had imagined.

"I thought the other kid threw it" I said.

"No, that's not how it happened" my mother explained "I remember watching it and saying 'I think it's going to hit him, it could hit him right in the face'"

"It must have hit me pretty hard to leave a mark like this" I stated, pointing at the scar under my nose.

"Yes, it was a nasty gash" she replied.

"Are you sure the other kid didn't throw it? I really though he did."

My mother glanced over from the driver's side as we rolled past the house a second time following our turn around.

"I remember it like it was yesterday" she said "you definitely threw the boomerang yourself.

Nine

Nine.

There were nine folks in front of me who’s age had to be somewhere near double mine.

Maybe this was the standard deal for an early Saturday morning flight – I’m not sure. The impressive thing isn’t that 9 people of that age could still fly to New England (or walk through the airport…what ever). The amazing thing was that all nine of them set off the metal detector.

Every one.

Now I know what you’re thinking. It had to be pace-makers or titanium hips but that wasn’t the case. The first guy had to take off a wrist watch that was only slightly smaller than Big Ben another gentleman had a stainless steel comb big enough to double as a lawn rake. It wasn’t just the guys. One woman had a necklace that would make a gangster rapper drool while another was packing bracelets the size of hula hoops.

Had these people never been through airport security before? Did they think they could dial 911, say “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” followed by “I don’t know where I am – use the helicopter with the metal detector and find me!”? The mystery completely eludes me but it was comprehensive and total.

I was thinking it had to be some sort of anomaly I finally got to the front of the security line. I made eye contact with the TSA agent and was waved through the metal detector without incident. Upon clearing the cavity search section I heard a loud thunk behind me as someone dropped a large magnet (or car alternator) I can’t be sure, into the scan tray.

Turning I saw four more folks behind me that made the nine people in front look like middle school students. They were bent forward as the more experienced members of our populas often are. The woman at the front walked through the detector, setting it off. Throwing a small fit as the guard asked her to go back and remove her metal she pulled massive C-Clamp ear rings off and dropped them in the tray that was offered by the security agent.

As she was unhooking her “tire chains” neck decoration the epiphany hit me – she stood taller as the ear rings came off. The tire chain necklace cemented the realization. As she dumped the neck armor into the tray she stood as straight as a marine guarding the tomb of the unknown soldier . She then walked through the detector, avoiding the alarm.

I hung back among the old folks who were still working to get a shoe on and waited. Sure enough, as she put the junkyard of accessories back, on she was slowly bent forward under the weight until she was once again hooked over in a posture where she could truly admire the blue toe protruding from her dark hosiery.

So now I get it. It isn’t curvature of the spine or weaker muscles that offer us a view of the blue hair follicles – it’s the metal. It’s all that metal.

Last Post September 28th

That's what it said.

The last one was September 28th. I suppose that means nothing has happened for the last month (or I would have written, right?).

Well, not exactly. I over loaded. That's what I did. Overloaded.

There was the trip to Brazil closely followed by the Taylor Swift concert.

Then I ramped it up a notch at work so I was working longer days.

Then we went to the Fall National drag races because there is nothing like watching men in women's clothing doing the high hurdles (Monte Python reference or those of you that are too young to remember)

Then I managed to record enough hours of the WSOP to run Jack & Mandy's DVR out of space so I had to watch (and delete) all those episodes.

Then I finished building the elevator in the shop (yes - I have an elevator in my shop).

Then I undid part of the elevator (pulled the motor and much of the cable out) so I could put pegboard and sheet rock on the shop wall.

Then I decided to add multiple air-filters, a pressure regulator and a hose reel to my compressed air system (requiring extensive plumbing which I have not yet finished)

Then I flew to Hartford CT to spend some time with my mother (got bumped to first class both directions).

Well at some point during all of this the transmission started going out of Bruce's truck and what must you do when that happens? Well, duh! You buy an auto lift so you can pick Bruce's truck up and take the transmission out (it comes out the bottom you know).

A sane person would have hired someone to install the auto lift (I priced it - $400 plus an electrician to install the auto lift) but a sane person wouldn't have Bruce "We don't need to hire someone - we can do this ourselves" Rougeau as their friend. So...

Then I installed this 1500 pound auto lift without any professional help (but Bruce took a day off work to help me).

I finished installing the lift yesterday. I was going to call an electrician to wire the 3 HP single phase motor (230 volts) that runs the hydrolic pump but Bruce "We don't need to hire someone - we know Shelby Smith" talked me out of that...