20 Goals for 2014

I've never really been a "New Year's Resolution" kind of a guy.  The one time I DID have a resolution it was to never do a new year's resolution (and I've kept that one for decades).

I point this out because I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression.  This is not resolutions, oh no, far from it.  I'm not searching for some high in the sky summit.  I was just young and restless and bored, living by the sword.  So I'd steal away every chance I could to the back rooms, alleys, and trusty woods...

Oops.  Sorry, I got distracted.  Please disregard that last paragraph. 

As I was saying, this post isn't about new years resolutions, oh no, far from it.  It is just that I have a habit of setting goals for the next year during the final week of the previous year.

It may sound like resolutions but that isn't where it came from.  For the second half of my career I always got more vacation that I could take so it was a rare year indeed when I didn't have the last week of the year off.  Having time off gave me time to close the books on the previous year and start planing the new one.  It was driven by vacation.  It was not resolutions.

So...

Here are some of my goals for 2014.

1. Write more than one post per month - My actual goal was to average a post more often than one every two weeks.  I always enjoy writing but just don't make enough time for it.  This year I'm going to track my efforts in hopes that it will drive me to write more often.
    
2. Build storage in the sheds - I currently have more stuff than I have space for stuff.  One of my places for stuff is a storage shed that has no shelves so the stuff is all over the floor.  I want to build shelves so I can put the stuff in those big plastic tubs and put the tubs on the shelf.
   
   (For what it is worth and this isn't really connected to the goal in any way - the tubs of stuff will likely remain on the shelves, untouched, until I die.  Once that happens, Mandy will probably throw them away without opening them)
    
3. Exercise more than an hour more than three days a week - The exercise thing is weird.  I no longer have a boss telling me I need to work some extra hours today.  I always planned to exercise more once I reached this point in my life.  Well, that has not happened yet.  Minimum three days a week.  Minimum of one hour.  It shouldn't be hard.  My time is my own.
    
4. Ride my bike more than a thousand miles - That sound like a bunch when I write it down but if you spread it out over a year it is less than 3 miles a day.  Today is the 4th so I'm currently 12 miles behind!
    
5. Play over 500 holes of disc golf - Think about it, I could knock off this goal and number 3 above at the same time if I played long enough!
    
6. Have a minimum of one evening with the Barret family - You know the drill.  You have these friends you see once or twice a decade.  You always say "We should get together soon".  Everyone agrees but it never happens. 
    
7. Add on to #6: Time with Tuc Goodwin.
    
8. Add on to #6: Time with Jack Story.
    
9. Add on to #6: Time with Jerry Jackson.
    
10. Add on to #6: Go visit Bill Herman (given that I can never get him to come here it seems)
     
11. Float the river - This new place where Michelle and I work is right on the Arkansas river and there are float outfitters all up and down the river.  We need to check that out before the year ends.
     
12. Visit my friends in Seattle - Specifically Chris, Kim, and Dennis.  Every year for a while I've been telling myself I should go but I never seem to get to it.  This year it's a goal.
     
13. Take a vacation out of the country - This is actually a ringer because I've already booked a trip to Honduras and Belize in February.  I'm going to meet with a friend from H.S. swim team and do a little scuba diving.  We're also being joined by some Cookson friends from down the street.  Anybody else want to join us?
     
14. Start a periodic poker game - We used to play poker at least once a month.  Haven't done that for a while.  I miss it.  I want to fix it.
     
15. Play golf @ Flint Ridge - I had plans to do this with my son last 4th of July but he got a better offer and didn't show up.  Guess I'll put it on my 2014 list.
     
16. Denver Poker Game - Back in the day we used to have periodic poker evenings with the guys from work.  Greg Reiman and Ray Ciarvella were staples.  I want to say Scott Boettcher used to be there (but I'm not sure).  Anyway, one of my goals is to organize and travel up there for one of those.
     
17. Visit my brother Bill & my cousin Bruce - They live close to one another.  One in Tennessee and one in Georgia.  Seems like I could knock both of these off in a single trip.
     
18. Clean out Tia's room - Right now we have many much things from our 706 house in one room.  My goal is to clean that room out and make it into a place where we can sit and/or use the computer.
     
19. Deal with my motorcycles - Get them running and either sell them or start using them again.
     
20. Deal with my pickup - Get it out of the shop in Allen.  Either sell it or start working on it again in Oklahoma.
     
21. Build Newbie a Window Seat - The dog loves to look out the window and I currently have two TV trays beside my desk.  I have food cans, jars and boxes of the appropriate height on the trays and a section of my old deck on top of that.  Newbie has a bed on the desk section where he lays and looks out the window.  I need to build something permanent so I can get my Pace Picante sauce and Nestles Quick back.
     
22. Finish my book (and start looking for a publisher) - I've written most of a C# text book.  My book is being used by the High School where I teach.  I say "written most of" because as I teach I find I go back and rewrite parts to cover gaps created by how the students are learning the materials.  I would like to have a publishable version prior to the end of the year.
      
23. Build stairs to the shed - There is a shed in the yard beside the house.  The space between our house and the shed is terraced and I often ponder if I will lose my life taking the giant steps down the terrice.

So there you have it.  20 things I hope to accomplish this year.  I'll put posts out periodically giving status.  Feel free to humiliate and tease me if I drop too far behind in my quest to accomplish these goals.  That will be the accountability part.

Either You Believe it or You Don't

On Christmas eve last year a friend wrote a Facebook post about how wonderful 2013 was and how happy he was that his wife beat a case of blood based cancer.  I have spent a great deal of time since then thinking about something he included.  It said: 

We've also learned from friends who modeled how to handle a battle lost to cancer with faith, dignity, strength, and grace.

I don't know for sure that this part of his post was about us, but regardless, it spent a lot of time in my head.

I remember spending much of Christmas thinking I didn't want to be dignified or strong.  I wanted my kid back.  I wanted to watch him playing with his kid.  I wanted him to see Devin dumping all of the lego blocks on the floor with a thundering crash.  I wanted more of those awkward moments when my boy was talking way over my head about sports and I would try to participate in the conversation without sounding like a complete idiot.

For the record, I am so thrilled that my friend got to write his Facebook post telling how scary it was to consider the worst case scenario, and how wonderful it was to live out the best case scenario.  I was always thrilled about that, but now, in hind sight, I remember something I did when raising Shane and Mandy.

I used to travel a lot and sometimes I would see a gift that would give one of my kids a thrill.  I would buy the gift and bring it home knowing that Michelle would be uneasy with the fact that one kid was getting a gift and the other was not.  She was afraid it wasn't fair.

For my part, I would insist that my approach was right because I wanted the kids to learn to share the joy of others and I also wanted them to understand that nobody promised any of us "fair".

A year and a half ago the company I worked for put out an early retirement offering.  For decades prior to the offering I used to pontificate about my belief that there should be three phases in your life.  The first starts when you are born and is centered on serving yourself.  Phase one ends when you get married and choose to put your family out front.  Phase two is about serving your family and the ones you love.  I always said the third phase came when your children were grown and phase three was about serving those outside of your family circle.

My decision to leave my job of nearly 30 years was predicated on another thing I say quite often.  "Either you believe it or you don't".  If I really believed my theory about the three phases it was time for phase three.  If I didn't then it was just fine to stay in corporate America and continue to accumulate wealth.

I left.

So 2013 brought significant surprises, the greatest of which was two cases of cancer.  One was a winner and one was a loser and once again I'm faced with a case of "Either you believe it or you don't".

Do I really believe life isn't fair any you need to share the joy of the winners when you didn't get anything?

Oh, if it were only that simple.

Consider the "meat" of the sentence my friend wrote:

"how to handle a battle lost to cancer with faith, dignity, strength, and grace."

Again, I don't know it was about us, but if it was, some of it hit home, some of it was clearly a swing and a miss.

For example "dignity".  Maybe Michelle, but have you met me?  Dignity is not one of the things I exude.

Meanwhile, the faith part is easy. 

At one point during this wacky journey someone put their hand on my shoulder and said "It's OK to be angry with God over this".

I remember thinking that was one of the dumbest things I've ever heard.  Be angry with God?  {insert manic laughter here}

My faith has always made the concept of death little more than a curiosity (one that was too permanent to check out, but interesting none the less).  I've always said death wasn't a big deal.  It was just the last part of living.  Historically, when it was time for members of the Crawford family to die it was time to celebrate, not mourn. 

Although the timing of Shane's death was totally messed up, none of us has any doubt that what happened to him is more than worth the pain and suffering he went through the six weeks prior to his death. 

(And for those of you who like heavy thoughts in your head, my faith leaves me wondering who was the cancer winner and who was the cancer loser.  Is Shane better or worse off than our friend who beat the disease?)

Ok.  That covers faith and dignity.  Grace and strength are left.

Grace was hard.  When Shane's drama was going on I didn't pray for healing.  I simply prayed for God's will.  I also finished each prayer with a plea that if God's will was to take my little boy that he give me grace to handle it.  I knew I couldn't handle it on my own.

Finally we have strength.  Perhaps an illusion makes us look strong but if you could get on the inside you would clearly see that strength is a great facade.

You might look and think you see it, but none of us claim to be strong.  The illusion of strength is simply making a choice not to be what you really are, a jello emotional melt down right on the verge of happening.

For my part, the strength facade is rooted in a song called "Carry On" by a band named "Fun".  The song was played at Shane's funeral and I've never heard it all the way through without melting down.  Ths song, however, is about phase three.  It's about a hundred and forty kids who still need us.  It's about little Devin and the illusion of strength when it says:  

On our darkest day
When we're miles away
So we'll come, we will find our way home

If you're lost and alone
Or you're sinking like a stone
Carry on
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground and
Carry on