I decided that I needed to sleep in the guest room Friday night.
Typically Michelle, my wife of 30 years, and I sleep in the same bed but unfortunately she did something that I decided made it impossible for me to join her in the bed.
Now some of you are thinking that a wise married man will resolve all issues prior to hitting the pillow and if I were wise I would do the same. I get that but I'm pretty good at figuring things out and decided it just wasn't worth the risk.
You see, Friday night my wife turned into a 15 year old and took me on a date to the Taylor Swift concert. Granted she dressed all wrong (apparently) because all the other 15 year old girls that were there were pretty much dressed the same so she looked different (actually much better but that's another story) but she joined the other teeny boppers in her mannerisms as she approached the event.
She laughed when they laughted, she cried when they cried and when they screamed...well - even at 15 I'm not sure she could do that, but she liked it just the same.
So after spending an evening out with a 15 year old date I'm not going to break any of those statutary rules by sleeping with the young lady. Fortunately next month she's going to turn back into a 50 year old and take me to see Reba (and nobody will arrest me for staying out to the guest room after our date that night).
Monday, September 28, 2009
Picture of the Day
This is the one from Saturday. It amused me becasue the side of the dragster says "Smokeless but looking at the tires you could make an argument that it isn't really true...
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Day Six - Brazilian Casual
The title couldn't possibly represent the panic I felt. It was dark. My feet were contorted into a shape that most resembled an upside down "U". The top of my head was pressed against a hard wooden surface and my left arm had no feeling and wouldn't respond when I tried to lift it.
That was scary - but not scary enough for panic.
Swinging my shoulders I got my arm to flop into a new position. I lifted my knees which eased the pressure on my head and allowed my feet to asume the letter "L" (much better than "U"). I paused and concentrated -- yes, it was still there (and my panic grew)
As my brain began to function better I rolled to the left. My feet returned to a human shape and my head could even be described as comfortable but the panic did not reside becasue it was still there. My environment was pitch black but I was fully concious and the presence was unmistakable. I wanted to scream but I focused every ounce of my dicipline and restrained myself. Perhaps screaming would still be inappropriate. I concentrated again.
I was right. There was no mistaking it. It was everywhere and now I knew is wasn't a dream.
Silence.
My hotel room was quiet.
My mind was racing. "What have they done with my sister? She can't be here sleeping, the silence proves it..."
Meanwhile, unknown to me because of the dark, Loretta was a scant 2 meters away in the other bed. Two thirds of the fancy Marriott pillow was in her mouth and she was happily dreaming that she was eating a giant marshmello. Unfortunately there was no way I could have known what was really happening.
I jumped to my feet to investigate just as a giant "Pauaguah!" sound erupted from the darkness. A soggy pillow hit my feet and a diesel engine started to idle in the darkness.
All was well in Brazil. I climbed back in my tiny bed and went back to sleep.
A few hours later day 6 continued with the standard morning ritual of showers, breakfast and waiting for the kids. When they got here we packed up and headed for the beach.
First Cassandra went in and played with the waves, then she came out. We got some pictures of her in the waves.
Next I went in, played with the waves some
After I got done we all sat on the beach for a while (I read my book). Eventually Shane picked up the boogie board and went in to play with it a bit.
Shane seemed to have quite a knack for the sport and typically when he rode the board he ended up completely leaving the ocean and sitting out in the sand near the volleyball court.
After 3 hour (or so) on the beach we cleaned up, loaded the pictue of the day, and headed for town where we ate our last meal of Brazilian BBQ.
It was supposed to rain all day today but we got lucky and we had a good result.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Day Five - Reo Under Water
The day started with the Cowboys leading the Giants in a rendition of Sunday night football. Earlier Shane was on his little blackberry running around the web finding about satellite feeds coming into Brazil with a sense of urgency. By 7 pm yesterday (or so) he was sure he could get the game but he swapped out all the programed channels on the bigscreen in the Executive lounge and the game wasn't still there.
"I need to go up to your room to get this working" -- I'm pretty sure that was his cover. He disappeared and I have visions of him on the roof with a soddering iron re-working all the circuit boards on the hotel's satellite dish then crawling down the side of the building spider man style so he could splice that cable that you can only get to by hanging upside down between the 17th and 18th floor.
Whatever it was he was back in the lounge a little after nine looking like the cat that ate the cannary (and the chocolate from my pillow) and 10 minutes after that we were watching football on the widescreen in the lounge.
Anyway that was yesterday -- the last thing from when the game ended (in the part that was "today" was the Giants kicked a field goal. At the time I had no clue why, but a few minutes they kicked another and the game ended with the Cowboys 2 points down. Cassandra was sad. John was happy. I was tired. I went to sleep.
Later today I stopped sleeping when I heard a sound I was pretty sure was caused by the folks in room 1608 trying to dig through the wall. Kind of a rumbly scraping sound. They would dig - then rest - then dig again. I laid there and listened. Grind, scrape grind, pause for twice as long as they were digging, then grind, scrape, grind.
Terrified that they were almost through the wall (the sound was getting REALLY close) I sprang from the bed and jumped over to where I could warn Loretta. As I approached her I saw her mouth open and the digging noise started. A moment later her mouth closed and the digging stopped.
When some people get ready to travel to another country they spend months, even years, learning a new language. Others spend a bunch of time shopping for cloths. I'm convinced Loretta spent her time learning new snoreing sounds so she could keep me guessing.
It's working.
Anyway I woke her up and suggested we clean up a bit and then go eat before our showers. It was a rainy day and a bit windy. The surf seemed to be about 3 and a half meters (I'm not allowed to say it in feet becasue they do metric system here but there is just under 4 feet in a meter so you can do the math if you need to).
During breakfast I chose chairs that looked out the window at the ocean. As we watched the big waves crashing into the beach we discussed the contrast of the extreme violence of being in front of the waves compared with the sea behind the break point.
I commented on the fact that NOBODY was in the water - it was just too wild and crazy. I explained that from my perspective a person would have to be crazy to go out there. Loretta thought for a moment and then said; "You know - we should go out there".
"Are you kidding? There is NO WAY I would go out there". "Come on!" Loretta coaxed "The best things in life are highly disturbing when they are happening - Life isn't a spectator sport! Sometimes you've got to grab the bull by the horns"
Well it took her over an hour to talk me into it but finally (and quite reluctantly) I agreed.
Somthing like that is all fun and games until you get run over by the first Mac truck (and let me tell you - when 40,000 kilos of water slams into you it's not unlike the Mac truck thing).
We let the first wave pass then rushed out trying to get to the break point before the second arrived. Turns out they were coming just too fast. The second crashed right in front of us and even though the water did a one hop before reaching us it was still easily twice our height when the spankings began.
For some reason I can't quite explain I took a deep breath as the wave approached and chose to let it out when the wave crashed in front of us and then took a new breath about the time we were covered in salt water.
"Oh crap!" I coughed and gagged "I can't do this".
"It's over - the wave is past" Loretta exclaimed "Get a good breath and come on - we can get farther out!" She grabbed my hand and started running toward the next mountanous wall of water as it formed a scant 20 meters away.
The next one hit us hard - well over our heads. We faltered but didn't fall down. When the water cleared I was in a near panic.
"This is too dangerous! I can't touch the bottom. The water is too deep. The waves are too big" I cried.
"First - it's not dangerous, you're just not used to it" she calmly told me "You probably could reach the bottom but your legs are currently wrapped around my waist and you are tearing my shirt off with both of your hands. If you climb down off of me and we move out another 15 meters we will be behind the break point and no more waves will hit us - it will just be swells"
"I can't - I'm too scared" I responded.
"Ok" she said "You've got a pretty significant life experience just coming out this far but are you sure you want to? You're just a few hundred centemeters from much more forgiving water"
"I've come this far but I'm really satisfied with my accomplishment to this point" I responded "Let's head back in"
We turned, took two steps and the next wave pushed us back to the beach.
As we walked back toward our waiting sandals Loretta explained that the best things in life are typically very troubling as they occur. She told me that two years from now when we talk about this vacation my episode with the waves would be one of my favorite memories. She promised it would all be worth it."
We scarcely made if off the beach before I realized she was probably right.
After the first wave experience we did some more in the water. I got some good rides in on the boogie board and when we were finally quite tired we headed back to the hotel to shower.
I was done showering and Loretta was most of the way through hers when Shane and Cassandra showed up.
We decided to go to Ipanema today but before that we went there we stopped at a Churrascaria (Brazilian BBQ - all you can eat meat) where we ate all we could and then quite a little bit more.
Next we walked by the kid's hotel so they could change their clothes (it was rainy and a bit nippy out) and then headed down the road.
We quickly decided to take a taxi. We piled in and I said "La Playa de Ipanema". The guy gave me a thumbs up and took off in the wrong direction. I believe he was going to go there by way of Venezula but I gave him the stink eye, thrust my thumb over my shoulder and explained that I knew where Ipanema was. He turned the cab around and stopped screwing around.
We walked along the shore for a while. The waves were twice the size of the ones in Copacabana. Very big. Very scary.
Next we walked back throught he shopping district of Ipanema. Loretta bought stuff. Cassandra bought stuff. I walked in the rain and got wet. Then something unexpected happened.
We walked by an open air drug store. In front of the drug store was a freezer full of ice-cream bars. Besides the ice-cream bars sat a little man on a stool.
Shane jumped over, stared into the freezer (it had a glass door on the top) and yelled (not to be confused with the word "said") "HI ICE-CREAM".
The little man jumped off his little stool and hit the ground running. He sprinted into the store and came back out with a key for the lock on the freezer.
Apparently Shane missed the little man when he decided to greet the ice-cream in this mannor. There was a short spot of confusion as Shane tried to explain that he didn't really want any ice-cream, he was just being friendly to it. Next the little man was trying to explain the meaning of gringo loco but he was speaking Portuguese so we never really figured it out.
"I need to go up to your room to get this working" -- I'm pretty sure that was his cover. He disappeared and I have visions of him on the roof with a soddering iron re-working all the circuit boards on the hotel's satellite dish then crawling down the side of the building spider man style so he could splice that cable that you can only get to by hanging upside down between the 17th and 18th floor.
Whatever it was he was back in the lounge a little after nine looking like the cat that ate the cannary (and the chocolate from my pillow) and 10 minutes after that we were watching football on the widescreen in the lounge.
Anyway that was yesterday -- the last thing from when the game ended (in the part that was "today" was the Giants kicked a field goal. At the time I had no clue why, but a few minutes they kicked another and the game ended with the Cowboys 2 points down. Cassandra was sad. John was happy. I was tired. I went to sleep.
Later today I stopped sleeping when I heard a sound I was pretty sure was caused by the folks in room 1608 trying to dig through the wall. Kind of a rumbly scraping sound. They would dig - then rest - then dig again. I laid there and listened. Grind, scrape grind, pause for twice as long as they were digging, then grind, scrape, grind.
Terrified that they were almost through the wall (the sound was getting REALLY close) I sprang from the bed and jumped over to where I could warn Loretta. As I approached her I saw her mouth open and the digging noise started. A moment later her mouth closed and the digging stopped.
When some people get ready to travel to another country they spend months, even years, learning a new language. Others spend a bunch of time shopping for cloths. I'm convinced Loretta spent her time learning new snoreing sounds so she could keep me guessing.
It's working.
Anyway I woke her up and suggested we clean up a bit and then go eat before our showers. It was a rainy day and a bit windy. The surf seemed to be about 3 and a half meters (I'm not allowed to say it in feet becasue they do metric system here but there is just under 4 feet in a meter so you can do the math if you need to).
During breakfast I chose chairs that looked out the window at the ocean. As we watched the big waves crashing into the beach we discussed the contrast of the extreme violence of being in front of the waves compared with the sea behind the break point.
I commented on the fact that NOBODY was in the water - it was just too wild and crazy. I explained that from my perspective a person would have to be crazy to go out there. Loretta thought for a moment and then said; "You know - we should go out there".
"Are you kidding? There is NO WAY I would go out there". "Come on!" Loretta coaxed "The best things in life are highly disturbing when they are happening - Life isn't a spectator sport! Sometimes you've got to grab the bull by the horns"
Well it took her over an hour to talk me into it but finally (and quite reluctantly) I agreed.
Somthing like that is all fun and games until you get run over by the first Mac truck (and let me tell you - when 40,000 kilos of water slams into you it's not unlike the Mac truck thing).
We let the first wave pass then rushed out trying to get to the break point before the second arrived. Turns out they were coming just too fast. The second crashed right in front of us and even though the water did a one hop before reaching us it was still easily twice our height when the spankings began.
For some reason I can't quite explain I took a deep breath as the wave approached and chose to let it out when the wave crashed in front of us and then took a new breath about the time we were covered in salt water.
"Oh crap!" I coughed and gagged "I can't do this".
"It's over - the wave is past" Loretta exclaimed "Get a good breath and come on - we can get farther out!" She grabbed my hand and started running toward the next mountanous wall of water as it formed a scant 20 meters away.
The next one hit us hard - well over our heads. We faltered but didn't fall down. When the water cleared I was in a near panic.
"This is too dangerous! I can't touch the bottom. The water is too deep. The waves are too big" I cried.
"First - it's not dangerous, you're just not used to it" she calmly told me "You probably could reach the bottom but your legs are currently wrapped around my waist and you are tearing my shirt off with both of your hands. If you climb down off of me and we move out another 15 meters we will be behind the break point and no more waves will hit us - it will just be swells"
"I can't - I'm too scared" I responded.
"Ok" she said "You've got a pretty significant life experience just coming out this far but are you sure you want to? You're just a few hundred centemeters from much more forgiving water"
"I've come this far but I'm really satisfied with my accomplishment to this point" I responded "Let's head back in"
We turned, took two steps and the next wave pushed us back to the beach.
As we walked back toward our waiting sandals Loretta explained that the best things in life are typically very troubling as they occur. She told me that two years from now when we talk about this vacation my episode with the waves would be one of my favorite memories. She promised it would all be worth it."
We scarcely made if off the beach before I realized she was probably right.
After the first wave experience we did some more in the water. I got some good rides in on the boogie board and when we were finally quite tired we headed back to the hotel to shower.
I was done showering and Loretta was most of the way through hers when Shane and Cassandra showed up.
We decided to go to Ipanema today but before that we went there we stopped at a Churrascaria (Brazilian BBQ - all you can eat meat) where we ate all we could and then quite a little bit more.
Next we walked by the kid's hotel so they could change their clothes (it was rainy and a bit nippy out) and then headed down the road.
We quickly decided to take a taxi. We piled in and I said "La Playa de Ipanema". The guy gave me a thumbs up and took off in the wrong direction. I believe he was going to go there by way of Venezula but I gave him the stink eye, thrust my thumb over my shoulder and explained that I knew where Ipanema was. He turned the cab around and stopped screwing around.
We walked along the shore for a while. The waves were twice the size of the ones in Copacabana. Very big. Very scary.
Next we walked back throught he shopping district of Ipanema. Loretta bought stuff. Cassandra bought stuff. I walked in the rain and got wet. Then something unexpected happened.
We walked by an open air drug store. In front of the drug store was a freezer full of ice-cream bars. Besides the ice-cream bars sat a little man on a stool.
Shane jumped over, stared into the freezer (it had a glass door on the top) and yelled (not to be confused with the word "said") "HI ICE-CREAM".
The little man jumped off his little stool and hit the ground running. He sprinted into the store and came back out with a key for the lock on the freezer.
Apparently Shane missed the little man when he decided to greet the ice-cream in this mannor. There was a short spot of confusion as Shane tried to explain that he didn't really want any ice-cream, he was just being friendly to it. Next the little man was trying to explain the meaning of gringo loco but he was speaking Portuguese so we never really figured it out.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Winning isn't Everything - Sometimes it's the Confusing Thing
After breakfast this morning Loretta and I walked to the little market that popped up in a parking lot a few blocks from here. Early on it was "Quanto Questa", "Cinquenta", "OK".
That was the south end. That was the beginning. That was before it changed.
The "Blog worthy" negotiation went like this:
Little Man "Very nice. Good quality. See picture? Very nice picture"
Loretta "Quanto Questa"
Little Man "Cinquenta"
Loretta "No!" (insert pause while the little man gets the stink eye) "Quanto Questa"
Little Man "Quarenta e cinco?"
Loretta "No. Mas daspico!"
The Little Man just shrugs.
Loretta "Vente"
The little man looks shocked. "Vente? Good quality. Worth more. Quarenta nenhum menos."
Loretta "No. Vente e cinco."
Little Man "25 is not enough." He holds up 4 fingers. "Quarenta"
Loretta goes right back into the ole stink eye and lets the tention build. The little man caves.
Little Man "Trienta e cinco" he crosses his arms across his chest and his jaw comes out as his face goes stone cold"
Loretta "Vente e cinco. No mas"
(insert long awkward silence here)
Little Man "Trienta?"
Loretta "No mas. Mas Dispacio. Vente e cinco"
The little man hangs his head and with a sad look quietly says "Sem" as he digs for a plastic bag. Loretta spins on her heel and starts to march away. I grab her by the back of her shirt. "Where are you going?" I ask. "Maybe someone else has one..."
"You won. It's over" I explan.
Loretta comes back, hands the guy 25 Reais and he gives her the beach blanket. The exchange obligodo and it's over.
As we walk away Loretta confides in me "I feel terrible! The little man looked so sad..."
Apparently the feeling didn't last because a short time later I realized a new baby shark had been born.
That was the south end. That was the beginning. That was before it changed.
The "Blog worthy" negotiation went like this:
Little Man "Very nice. Good quality. See picture? Very nice picture"
Loretta "Quanto Questa"
Little Man "Cinquenta"
Loretta "No!" (insert pause while the little man gets the stink eye) "Quanto Questa"
Little Man "Quarenta e cinco?"
Loretta "No. Mas daspico!"
The Little Man just shrugs.
Loretta "Vente"
The little man looks shocked. "Vente? Good quality. Worth more. Quarenta nenhum menos."
Loretta "No. Vente e cinco."
Little Man "25 is not enough." He holds up 4 fingers. "Quarenta"
Loretta goes right back into the ole stink eye and lets the tention build. The little man caves.
Little Man "Trienta e cinco" he crosses his arms across his chest and his jaw comes out as his face goes stone cold"
Loretta "Vente e cinco. No mas"
(insert long awkward silence here)
Little Man "Trienta?"
Loretta "No mas. Mas Dispacio. Vente e cinco"
The little man hangs his head and with a sad look quietly says "Sem" as he digs for a plastic bag. Loretta spins on her heel and starts to march away. I grab her by the back of her shirt. "Where are you going?" I ask. "Maybe someone else has one..."
"You won. It's over" I explan.
Loretta comes back, hands the guy 25 Reais and he gives her the beach blanket. The exchange obligodo and it's over.
As we walk away Loretta confides in me "I feel terrible! The little man looked so sad..."
Apparently the feeling didn't last because a short time later I realized a new baby shark had been born.
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